Stories about Buying Things

Several days ago, I was confronted by a strange man whom I had never seen before in my life. He said "there is no reason for you to buy that ugly shirt." He went on to say (After coughing for about ten seconds) "Why don't you buy this shirt instead?". He proceeded to take off his shirt, revealing another identical garment beneath, and toss it into my arms. "Five bucks," he declared, "Five bucks for the shirt." "Why so cheap?" I inquired. "Stole it.", he replied. I gave him five dollars and went home to wash the shirt.

Fifteen minutes from now, someone will knock on the door. I will go downstairs, begrudgingly, and answer the door. Upon opening the door, a pair of people in nice suits and wearing ties will announce: "Would you like to buy an encyclopedia?" I will say "No" and motion with my hand towards the encyclopedias we already own, conveniently placed just in front of the door. They will undoubtedly notice that the encyclopedias I motioned to were old, and then say "Those are old". I will then give them ten easy payments of $59.99 and take the encyclopedias.

Today I was looking through my stuff (as I often do) and I found an Amazon.com gift card. Wow! 25 dollars were suddenly at my disposal. And then in the very same wallet what else did I find but a Visa gift card, a hundred dollars, already used up half. So now I have 75 dollars under my belt. What do I do with it? A few ideas:

1. Food because eating is the most cathartic of pleasures
2. Books (have a few you haven't read, right?)
3. Polaroid film (maybe not, you'd only get like five exposures)
4. Pencils (for writing/drawing maybe)
5. A new mug
6. A poster perhaps?

Illustrations by Stephen Gammell

For years and years and years these were my favorite books. I have vivid memories of staying up late, sitting in bed, reading these books. We got the audiobook version from the North Bend Public Library once. I remember (in my young, volatile state) how we had to return it because it scared me so much. Which story was it... This one!

This isn't about the stories themselves, though. It's about the illustrations by Stephen Gammell. Those pictures above. Best part of the books by a very wide margin. I mean... just look at them. Look at them! Sheer brilliance!

And now we have illustrations from Brett Helquist. Please see:
http://www.adventuresinpoortaste.com/2011/12/18/scary-stories-to-tell-in-the-dark-gammell-vs-helquist/

7. A few minutes without noise
8. The time-tested original compilation [circa 1991]
9. A very Permanent Glue Stic
10. Pen-Tab Industries, Inc.
11. Audio Tape
12. Proof

Masterful, Inspired, Provocative, Exhilirating, A Triumph, Fascinating...